S.T.E.M.

Please visit me here for recent writings  fb.me/STEMwritings  

I’m bracing for a move. Although my mind is reeling with task lists and thousands of various physical arrangements, I’m trying to emotionally prep. This is not our first rodeo and I’ve noticed a pattern in myself. As I initially make my way down my task list, I feel fantastic. New curtains, check! Damage forms filled out, check! Find fastest route to commissary, check! It is about month three when I find myself discouraged. The dust has settled and the remaining checks on my task list are taking FOREVER to complete. My time of feeling productive has slowed and the reality of loneliness is settling in. Although I haven’t written ‘find good friends’ on my task list, it is subconsciously there. I know to tell myself building community takes time, but I don’t want to wait. I find myself desperate to expedite the process and begin marketing my personality in conversations saying,  I typically feel this way…  or  I’m the kind of person who…  hoping others can instantly know the deeper sid

T oday we celebrate another year of your life.    What a crazy, wonderful, exhausting year it has been.  Over the past several months, numerous people have confirmed my own thoughts that God is going to use you to do something great.    In my daydreams I have pictured you, a wise, strong individual, who continually displays courage.    I have envisioned you boldly using truth to show love all over the world. I have imagined you doing something great.  These dreams of mine have not ceased, but I've awakened to the reality that God is not waiting to use your life.   God is already using you to do great things.    He is using your life to show me his strength.  On my days of physical tiredness from comforting you in the night and in my moments of emotional exhaustion from hiding and holding my worry,  God is using your life to show me how truly mighty and generous he is.   He not only offers to give me strength beyond my own, but he asks to take my burdens so I can rest.

The type of education my husband and I provide our kids will be an ongoing discussion until they are no longer in our care.  The past two assignments, we strongly considered homeschooling but decided on public.  It has been good.  I miss taking our daughter to cool places during the day and having time to do 'lessons' at home with her younger siblings, but she loves school and we see her growing and maturing academically as well as socially. Our consideration to homeschool is not driven by creating a sheltered life for our kids, but I understand why it is for some.  Relinquishing control over your child's education is scary because their education is not just academics, it is daily interactions of social skills, etiquette, morals, beliefs and so much more.  Recently, the middle finger was a topic of her daily-interaction education. She and her dad were playing a ridiculous snatching game where they pretended to steal each other's nose (yup, it is weird). He

I'm pretty excited to send out these three letters. I've been dabbling with writing articles for organizations.  It has been fun! It feels fantastic to know my thoughts/feelings/experiences are relatable.  Recently, I was paid for an article.  It wasn't a lot, but I was shocked.  With the money I bought gift cards and am sending them off to three amazing friends who have encouraged me in my writing.  Thank you, I love you! Here are some of the articles: 4 Ways to Emotionally Prepare for a PCS Move TLFs are Their Own Adventure Within the Adventure My Tears Release My Grief and Worry Won't You Be My Neighbor?  25 Signs You Are No Longer The Newbie For the Sake of the Family Learning when to push my child- and when to stop UPDATE: for more writings, visit  https://www.facebook.com/STEMwritings/ 

The continuous headlines about fearless females, superhero moms and mighty girls inspire me.  I consider myself a strong woman. I am proud of my abilities to overcome challenges with courage, skill and power.  However, in the past few months I've started to question my strength.  Most days my coping skills hold strong and I sustain my burdens high in the air. However, there are times when no amount of pep talk, healthy habit, glass of wine or psychological training offer the strength I need.  My muscles buckle and the weights crash down leaving me stunned and weak.    ' But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." ... I know God uses the weak.   I've read example after example in his word. I listen to the sermons and am motivated to be his hands and feet, but I would like Him to reveal his power through the abilities he has given me- the ones I'm 'proud of' not the ones I am lacking in. '

I'm in a season of little sleep.... a very long season. So, it was no surprise when a visitor entered my room at 5 am. I motioned for my oldest child to climb into bed with me, and she responded by lifting up a tray of breakfast, "Happy Mother's Day!" My body had no desire for food, just a consistent amount of sleep longer than 1.5 hours.  I forced a smile and took the tray only spill the water all over my side of the mattress.     Although I could feel frustration inside of me, it didn't put a damper on her joy.  She was beyond thrilled to share in this gift with me.  It's the end of the day and I look back on this morning and laugh.  Her excitement was comical.  What is even funnier is that it isn't Mother's day at all.  W hen I later told her, she jumped up and down saying, "Yay, I get to do this again!" Seeing her servant's heart is worth the lack of sleep .... at least this time ;).

The FIRST thing Isaac said when Levi and Samantha went to see him in the hospital was, 'we need a family picture!' Since he has a strong aversion to group photos, I was shocked and found it hilarious.  I can't believe I failed to take one! This morning as we typically piled on the couch, he said it again.  So, with a full heart, I share this image.   Your support has bolstered my full heart.  Thank you for the prayers, the hugs (even virtual ones) and for sharing your own trials.  To those who were spurred to sign up for CPR training or swim classes for your kiddos, you've provided a greater purpose for me sharing this story so publicly.  The drama of it all is over. Isaac's follow up appointment was fantastic. One would never know he was in intensive care (besides the ankle bracelet he refuses to take off since it 'keeps boo boos away').  I echo the repeated sentiments "God had his hand on Isaac", "God is good" and &q

I have had those dreams before- the ones where something tragic happens to a family member and I imagine what I would do, how I would feel and react. Realizing how scary and morbid those thoughts are, I generally stop myself and force a more pleasant daydream.   Perhaps those imaginary preparations prepared me for the actual thing. The doctor said our actions were textbook, we responded exactly as we were supposed to.   I can find peace in that only because Isaac has fully recovered, but where I struggle to find peace is my memory.   The real life, tragic pictures of my precious little boy under the water. His purple face.   His limp body as we pulled him up.   Never could I have imagined these images and I pray they stop haunting me.   Our family was vacationing in Florida for a few days after Steve came home from a three week long work trip.  We had just walked in from a fun day of activity and decided to jump in the pool before my in-laws came home with pizza.  Samantha wa

March 2016 This captured moment of my Grandpa is precious. You don't hear the story in this clip, but the difficult times his mother and he faced are far greater than I hope to ever know; however, I'm comforted to hear that my Great-Grandma wrestled with God. The comfort I feel is not just the normalization that comes with that statement, but the fact that when she asked, God assured her He was 'on her side'. I'm learning trials are meant to draw us TO Him not away. The trials that seem 'more than we can bear' often are just that... they are more than we can bear alone.  God uses them to give us the opportunity to walk alongside Him and experience his glory and power.

March 2017 It was this time last year when my superhero dressed daughter ran outside to get me a surprise.  I was consumed with my thoughts and gladly allowed her to take this minute by herself.  Maybe it was my raging postnatal hormones or the stress of an upcoming and uncertain move, but I was thinking A LOT about how the military lifestyle would affect my kids. I could rattle off advantages, but the challenges were filling my mind. Like most things, many of my fears came from the unknown.  My three little ones were experiencing a life and cultu re I had only been introduced to 8 years prior. I was still learning how to say goodbye, to be content when life plans change, to create family from strangers, to communicate long distance, and to make home anywhere, but this was their norm. I was familiar with the official flower of the military child, so when she returned holding a dandelion, I took a deep breath and thanked her for the gift and for reminding me how she truly w